After the Storm

The months after I got medicated (eh, I'm not much for sugar coating!) were definitely not perfect but I think were much more normal for first time parents. We moved in to our very own, wonderful little house. Remy had his own room for the first time and we were able to unpack all of our belongings which had been in storage for about 7 months.
Being a parent was still a struggle for me, partially because I didn't grow up dreaming about becoming a mommy. I was sorely unprepared for the day to day challenges of caring for another human being who is completely dependent on you. This was compounded by the fact that Remy has never been the most content baby. After we discovered gripe water and swaddling things got significantly better but it still seemed like every time we would finally settle into a groove Remy would grow and need a different feeding schedule or nap schedule. He would go through phases of being a little cuddly and then revert right back to being as standoffish as a baby can be. But even through all of this there was joy and love in me for him, which was the biggest difference than when I was in the depths of postpartum depression.
I think a lot of the struggles we had are just part of being first time parents. Everything is new for us and new for Remy too.
Even though I never planned on being a mommy I have found much joy in being a mommy. I love seeing glimmers of Nic or me in Remy. I love every time Remy learns something new, no matter how little it is I always feel like I have the cutest, best, smartest baby on the planet.
I had the privilege of basically staying home with Remy for this first year which means I have gotten to see milestones that could have been missed. We have spent most of our days at home or with family or at Target. No matter if Remy goes into daycare full time or just part time this fall I am happy that for those first important months, no matter how tough or how frustrating, I got to be the person of influence in his life.
Remy is a little trooper. He made it through colic, a crazy mother, a deformed head that he had to wear a helmet to reshape, therapy for his torticollis and he is still thriving, growing and learning.