Conflicted

11/28/07
Its been over a week since we found out I am pregnant again. Its been a hard week, mostly because I am experiencing morning sickness for the first time, I never had it with the first one. I haven't thrown up but I am nauseous for the majority of the day with the exception of a couple of hours in the afternoon. I try to get everything done in those two hours, unfortunately they fall right in my Nic enforced nap time. Its tricky.

I feel absolutely no excitement for this baby and so I feel guilty. I think I am being cautious because of the miscarriage. I can't enjoy this at all because I feel like at any moment it will all end. It doesn't help that my first due date is fast approaching and all I want is that baby, I don't want a different one. I know, I know - I am sure I will love this little baby more than I thought I could. But right now I just feel tired and emotional and not sure that I can ever be excited. I am stressed out by Nic's job situation and a possible impending foreclosure.

I can't wait until the first trimester is over.